I fight my trajectory every step of the way. I know what has to happen but I don’t want to go there, and yet there lies the most power I have in my body.
To create in a state of receptivity to all my worlds colliding or aligning, all my feelings raw and exposed, I need to be unmistakably, abysmally, achingly, utterly bereft of help or solace or belonging to this world…taken over by the spirit world where my music exists and I just need to bring it inside me, towards me, welcome it with open arms and heart, with complete unadulterated bravery…with courage I can’t muster here on earth, but harnessing the courage and fear of the bravest souls who fight fear in their moments of truth…knowing that we are transient and made of stardust and we will return to dust soon enough. To find my music, I must dissolve into dust to become one with it…one with the star…and float in that agape uncertainty, which eventually turns into certainty but only as music…the music that I can float inside of and it saves me…one tiny note at a time, it saves me to create my future music…until my journey here is done.
The Goddess of Edges lives between things…in a place of great energy and friction…she is liminal and achingly beautiful and transcendent in her balancing of the heavens and the earth. She exists within me as I write this and as I search for this next music…she can bear the tension of paradox and the states of being that hover between particle and wave…seamlessly moving between the two. She is everywhere and she feels everything…she is this music…she and I are one.